Moving On

Hi Friends,
Thanks so much for reading! I really enjoy posting pictures and thoughts and I'm looking forward to keeping it up but I am moving. I hope you'll follow me:

http://squareonenotes.wordpress.com

I am not super computer savvy which I'm sure is painfully apparent...yet another reason to migrate over to Word Press, if I were, I would know how to redirect your subscriptions over to the new website...sadly this is not the case. But if you do visit me at my new location, you can subscribe to my new feed there.

Thanks so much!

Belly Dancing

Olive loves The Killers! My iPhone shuffled over to All These Things That I've Done, I picked up my phone to read a message that came through and noticed her kicking, the speaker was pointed right at my belly because of the way I was holding my phone. So I turned it up a bit and enjoyed the dance party. The appropriate refrain made me giggle:

I got soul but I'm not a soldier...I got soul but I'm not a soldier...

It made me picture her signing along in there. I cant wait until she can share her favorite songs with me.

Serenity Bracelet

This week a friend of mine shared that she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She is such a vibrant, gregarious, caring person...the type of person everyone rushes to sit next to. My hands have been itching all week to do something...to make something that says "hey, you're awesome and I love you and this bastard disease isn't gonna dim your light." First thoughts of how to express this were through sticks and string...but even a "quickie" knitting project will burn through several hours which normally isn't an issue however this is a contribution to a gift basket that will be presented in a couple days. That's when the idea of the Serenity Bracelet came to mind. I bought a chunky strand of amethyst, some citrine, olive jade, and rose quartz. I used some sterling silver wire to twist on a heart charm and to secure a few other dangles.


I chose stones for their alleged healing super powers. I don't know how I really feel about this sort of thing...but I figure...what the hell...if it puts her in a positive state of mind and gives her the energy to feel as though she can kick this thing then that's all that matters, right?

The pumpkin and cylindrical stones in the picture above are citrine which is believed to help manifest your goals and keeps one cheerful. The round stones that I looped around some leather are Olive Jade. Jade is said to carry serene, calming energy.


Amethyst is believed to be a highly spiritual, healing stone that helps one tune into a higher awareness of knowing. Also pictured above is Rose Quartz that is said to have a gentle energy and is a healer of emotional heartbreaks.

Made this goofy gift tag to explain exactly how this gift would solve my friend's problem.


Wrapped it all up like so...


I love this take on the symbolism of the butterfly from whats-your-sign.com:

"We can look to the grace and eloquence of the butterfly and realize that our journey is our only guarantee. It's our responsibility to make our way in faith, accept the changes that come, and emerge from our transitions as brilliantly as the butterfly."

Bacon vs Tofu

Had a great day today. Maybe because it started with a good laugh. E bought me these action figures for my desk at work, the set is called Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu. He said the set reminded him of me and the struggle that I sometimes succumb to with bacon. As a vegetarian this makes my cheeks turn pink with embarrassment to admit. I love that Monsieur Tofu is depicted as a sophisticated older man with a monocle and a handlebar mustache whereas Mr. Bacon is younger, slender and seductive with that come-hither look on his face. Oh bacon...why must you be so tasty?! As I'm sure you can tell, Monsieur Tofu is losing this battle.

A good friend of mine is puzzled by this weakness because although she eats meat, she thinks bacon is repulsive. She is every bit as quirky as I am though and when we were in school she entered a contest for a free t-shirt, if you knew her you'd know that she's not above tarting it up for a free tee it would appear given her massive collection of random shirts. Anyway, this manufacturer (of bacon, I presume) was running a promotion: pitch to us your best example of a food item that tastes better wrapped in bacon and win a free t-shirt. I think her entry was bacon wrapped tacos. She won a t-shirt which had all these little cartoon images of bright happy food items seemingly pleased to find themselves encrusted in the salty pork product. She wore this shirt often which I would tease was false advertisement since she didn't appreciate the magic of the salty, crunchy, comfort food.

Yes, I really am that simple of a gal. All it takes is a bacon action figure to make my day.

Note to Oliva

Dear Olive,

You're 23 weeks now and roughly the size of an ear of corn. I have so many wishes for you sweet little one. I want you to know that I'm doing the best I can, this mommy thing is super exciting, don't get me wrong, but there are new choices at every turn. And the thing is there aren't really any right answers, just preferences. But I do have your interest at heart. Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and also, to get very specific, I spent the majority of this beautiful day preoccupied by my own wretched thoughts. Before it was too late I was in a self-deprecating pity spiral enumerating, cataloging, alphabetizing all the things about me that I could do without. When I began to wonder if I deserved to be a mommy, I started to think about you and the young woman I hope to watch you become. I don't ever want you to waste a single day as I did today hyper focused on flaws, faults, blunders, missteps. There will be plenty of people who will project their garbage on you, so don't go whipping up your own brand to sort through. Besides I already know you, you're so lovable and you have your strengths and your challenges (which I can't wait to learn more about) but we all do sweet pea. Don't waste one beautiful moment of this brief time we have grieving over all the things you cannot change. Thus concludes the first in many soapbox speeches to come.

I love you,
Mama

A Word From E

NYE Santa Cruz 2010

Went out to dinner the last night of the year. E made a comment about a band that was playing and said something along the lines of, "you should write a blog post about that." My response, "no, you should"...so here it is. A word from the hubby:

"Okay, so...It's New Years Eve, and I've decided to write a post. Don't get your hopes up as I'm nobody important and I'm not one for writing anything at all. I hate reading, I hate talking, I'm not a fan of people in general. I don't belong to Facebook or Myspace or Facespace (that's my wife interjecting trying to confuse me) but I do have a twitter account. I actually like twitter, because I can follow people I'm interested in. I have written a few tweets, but I wasn't a big fan of people reading what I had to say. I don't know how these people are able to say things all day long about what's going on, but I cannot stop following them! So that's the extent of my modest internet presence. Anyway, my real reason for writing this post is because, we were talking on New Years Eve, I heard the Traveling Wilbury's..I really love this group and what's funny is Roy Orbison usually stands out for me because he doesn't get too much love from anyone, but this go round Tom Petty occurred to me because I really think he is one of the most underrated singer songwriters of our time...so my wife, "MariaSquareOne," tells me that "Square One," is named after a Tom Petty song...first thought, is...great job me for not knowing that...second, is that's awesome, because, he is amazing...so it got me thinking of the top 5 underrated performers in my opinion. So in no particular order...here we go...and this is just what I listen to, so obviously there are 1000's more bands that you could argue should be on the list...I guess that's why you can write your own blog about it...which is I guess why I hate blogs...anyway... 1. Tom Petty-I Just explained this one, so there you go. 2. Eddie Vedder-Great band, great music, great lyrics with passion truly amazing. 3. The Black Crowes-Great rock and roll band, bascially a Rolling Stones Jr., however Chris Robinson, like E. Vedder has this soulful passion that he brings to each performance. 4. Ray Charles-Simply, one of the greatest musicans of all time. Talk about soul...he could sing a song about going to the grocery store that would give you chills...you always feel you are a part of his songs...and for F@#$ sake he was blind..good lord! Still in my opinion does not get enough credit. 5. Buena Vista Social Club-Look, I don't know a lot about these guys, I can't say I know the whole story I don't even know what they are saying and it gives me chills because I can feel that it's meaningful and important to them...and what else matters when you're talking about music. I have to admit, writing this wasn't too bad. I really thought if I wrote a post I'd be ripping on people and I didn't...but I'm sure I will be destroying people in the near future..until New Year's Eve 2011. @luvboatcaptn is out..." The wifey always gets the last word: I take issue with a few items here...1) "I hate reading, talking, and people?!" Someone's feeling cranky, who needs a nap? 2) What's with the blogger hate? Before you respond let me remind you that sofa city has a vacancy tonight. 3) "destroying people in the near future"...you're not fooling anybody you big teddy bear!

Songs About the New Year

New Year's Eve

Santa Cruz 2008

A super short list of favorite songs about the New Year and a question, why are there so many Christmas songs around compared to only a few about the New Year? Such a hopeful holiday and yet so little love from songwriters, I wonder why that's so.

Long December-Counting Crows/Recovering the Satellites
Adam Duritz describes this as a song about hope and the possibilities. What I love about their work is that it always seems to be a deeply personal reflection of all things, the sweet and the sour, as though one can't exist independent of the other.

"Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass"


Same Old Lang Syne-Dan Fogelberg/The Innocent Age
As a 70s kid, this was my first favorite contemporary holiday song. It saturated the airwaves this time of year when I was growing up. The lyrics read like a diary entry:

"Met my old lover in the grocery store

The snow was falling Christmas Eve

I stole behind her in the frozen foods

And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn't recognize the face at first

But then her eyes flew open wide

She went to hug me and she spilled her purse

And we laughed until we cried."


New Year Song-U2/War
My age is showing with this mini song selection, I'm sure of it...but really it seems to me that there are so few songs out there on this subject. Can you think of any others? Prince 1999 did occur to me but I was thinking of New Year songs in general, and not so specific to a given year since New Year's Eve in my opinion is about that feeling of anticipation for what's to come. Anything is possible. With that said, I adore this song because although a new year on the horizon often brings to mind change...this song reaffirms what we all wish to remain a constant...Love.

"All is quiet on New Year's Day.
A world in white gets underway.
I want to be with you, be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on New Year's Day.
On New Year's Day."

Greatest Hits 2010

Yet another great pic courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net. Thank you Clare Bloomfield for generously sharing your work!

Reflecting on 2010 a bunch lately. As far as auditory weaknesses go...I fell in love with:

• The Black Keys
• She & Him
• Emiliana Torrini
• Thao
• Jolie Holland
• Dent May
• Joan Jett & the Blackhearts (as she's not a new artist, we just rekindled the flame)

Material goodies I fell for include:

• My darling ukelele. Still strumming, still warms my heart to play.
• My MacBook Pro. You cost me a crap load of cheddar, but you made up for it by helping me stay well connected with dear friends like you sweet reader!
• "Oh Snap!" project bags from Namaste. Not too big, not too small, perfect for sock knitting or even a sweater. Flawless! Check 'em out.
  

Delicious discoveries of 2010:

• Caramelitas made with gooey homemade caramel. Caramel made from scratch people! Holy cow...I can't stand the goodness! Google it my friends, you will not be disappointed!
• Salted caramel hot chocolate...there's a theme developing here...I'm so predictable: buy me some music and some caramel and I'll be your bestest pal, for-eva eva!

Finally, I think my favorite moment of 2010 was hearing our baby's heartbeat for the first time. It's impossible to put it into words so I'll just leave it at that. For the first time ever, I am so excited to usher in a new year! It's gonna get wild, and messy, but there's gonna be a whole lot of love too...I can feel it!

Wait, one more favorite moment...waking E up at an unholy hour on a Sunday morning (4am maybe?) to tell him the stick I peed on indicated I'm cultivating a little life form. His reaction was classic Erik. All love and tenderness didn't even mention the ungodly hour, wasn't bothered in the slightest by my impatience. I'm a lucky girl.

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
-Helen Keller

Happy New Year Friends!

Pub Cake

Yummy photo courtesy of Filomena Scalise who shares her tasty work on freedigitalphots.net

Erik brought home the most delicious smelling rum cake as a gift from a coworker earlier this week. He hadn't taken off his jacket before I dished us up two thick slices. Took one bite and it occurred to me that this cake should be served by the shot glass instead of by the plateful. Initially I thought what harm could a cake baked with rum really be? Most of the alcohol cooks out, right? But what if the baker is heavy handed (my kinda gal) and generously soaks the cake in rum AFTER baking? That must be the method used because this was a stiff forkful of spicy buttery goodness. Couldn't eat more than a couple bites without feeling like a terrible mom-to-be so the cake sits on the kitchen counter seducing me one whiff at a time as I walk by. Torture! All I know is I'm going to devour an entire rum cake once the baby is born. Merry Christmas friends! I hope all of your holiday wishes come true! Xoxo

Here's a recipe I found, couldn't find a wet version. If you have one you'd like to share please comment or email me:

BACARDI RUM CAKE

Courtesy of COOKS.COM

---

1 c. chopped walnuts or pecans
1 pkg. yellow cake mix
1 (3 3/4 oz.) pkg. instant vanilla pudding
4 eggs
1/2 c. cold water
1/2 c. Wesson oil
1/2 c. Bacardi dark rum

GLAZE:

1/4 lb. butter
1/4 c. water
1 c. granulated sugar
1/2 c. dark rum

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease and flour 10" tube or 12 cup bundt pan. Sprinkle nuts over bottom of pan. Mix the cake mix, pudding mix, eggs, 1/2 cup cold water, oil and 1/2 cup Bacardi dark rum together. Pour batter over nuts and bake the cake for 1 hour. Cool. Invert on serving plate. Prick top and drizzle with glaze. Allow cake to absorb glaze. Repeat until the glaze is used up. To make the glaze, melt butter in saucepan, stir in water and sugar. Boil for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Stir in rum.

Tiny Dancer

21 weeks!

My What to Expect app tells me that Oliva is the size of a spaghetti squash, she is about 8 inches long and weighs 1 lb.

Little flutters in the belly from my tiny dancer. Weird cravings too. Today I had to have veggie chili beans over mac-n-cheese topped with a dollop of sour cream and crushed corn chips.

Broke down and finally bought a few maternity bras...why did I wait so long? So super comfy! No wonder I felt so miserable before! I went up two cup sizes but was smooshing myself into my old bra. Ouch!

Erik surprised me with this sweet Ramones onesie. Can't wait to meet our darling punk rock girl!

Backspacer

Album artwork produced by political cartoonist Tom Tomorrow

I think this baby girl is gonna be as weepy and emotional as her mother, poor girl. I cried in the shower this morning and again on my way to work all the while saying to myself, would you please get a hold of yourself (not complaining though! Tears are easier to wipe away than morning sickness). All these hormones and interrupted sleep patterns make the crying spells come so easily. Of course this Pearl Jam song that was playing during my morning commute didn't help, although very sad I do love this song so much. I find the last lyric especially moving...a reminder of how brief our time really is. As Jolie Holland says "enjoy yourself, it's later than you think."

Song: The End
Artist: Pearl Jam
Album: Backspacer

What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made now
Left beside the road?
Behind us in the road

More than friends, I always pledged
Cause friends they come and go
People change, as does everything
I wanted to grow old
I just want to grow old

Slide up next to me
I'm just a human being
I will take the blame
But just the same
This is not me

You see?
Believe

I'm better than this
Don't leave me so cold
I'm buried beneath the stones
I just want to hold on
I know I'm worth your love

Enough
I don't think
There's such a thing

It's my fault now
Having caught a sickness in my bones
How it pains to leave you here
With the kids on your own
Just don't let me go

Help me see myself
Cause I can no longer tell
Looking out from the inside
Of the bottom of a well

It's hell
I yell
But no one hears before I disappear
Whisper in my ear
Give me something to echo
In my unknown future's ear

My dear
The end
Comes near
I'm here
But not much longer

Extracurricular Activities

I love making things. I crafted my way through grad school, built up enough inventory in handmade jewelry and paper projects that I attended a few local craft shows and did alright making $500-$800 at each show. Had a shop on Etsy called Tart Designs sweet and juicy handmade jewelry for awhile too, here's a pic of a wire wrap necklace and a few cocktail rings I listed and sold:

For the past five years or so I've been an avid knitter, I especially love making toys they're fun and easy to whip up in a short amount of time here's a couple pics:

Hubby has his hobbies too. He has a collection of guitars: banjo, accoustic, electric and a handful of harmonicas as well. He loves collecting vinyl records too. I wonder what little Olive is going to be into...here's what she looks like at 20 weeks...stretching out my Sex Pistols t-shirt:

At this point she's described by my What to Expect app as a banana: 7inches, 11oz. Sweet girl, I love you so much already!

Heineken and a Hot Dog

My favorite story about my guy. He spent his 21st birthday with his Grandma Olive on a senior bus to Reno so they could go gambling together. And from what I hear Olive was a sucker for a special. The phrase "two for one" would set her pulse racing...they could have driven up together but on the senior bus you could get a screw driver and a bingo card for a few bucks and she was able to show off her grandson to her friends. So they rode the bus to Reno, he got dirty looks from the seniors on the bus for dominating at bingo and he enjoyed his first beer with his dear Grandma at a casino for lunch. What a killer lunch special: a Heineken and a hot dog for only $1.25! How many grandmothers do you know drink screw drivers for breakfast and Heinekens with lunch? How many 21 year olds do you know spend their birthday with their grandmother? That's my guy.

Happy Birthday Bear, I love you!

It's a...

GIRL!!!

That Tom Jones song keeps running through my head:

"She's a lady...woo oh oh...she's a lady...yes she is!!! And that lady is mine!"

At my December check up today my doctor said she was pleased with the development so far and my weight gain (yippee) but she gave me a talking to about inactivity because when she said "you're exercising, right?" I said "wrong." She looked at me sternly and said "No?" in a what do you mean sorta way. I was honest and said I love long walks but it's been soggy and slippery and I'm exhausted at the end of a crazy long work day. She wasn't buying this response so I added that I have purchased a pregnancy yoga DVD. This made her soften a bit and she said that's an excellent idea and that I should shoot for 3-4 times weekly, "because you do know that you're preparing yourself for a marathon, right?" How would I have guessed that? First timer here lady, baby of the family, blissfully ignorant and your killing my baby buzz! As if that wasn't enough of a reality check she added at the end of our appointment "next month I'll have you share with me your birthing plan." If this med school flunky thinks she can copy off of MY paper, we're in trouble folks. We got a code red here. I was kinda hoping she had that part covered. I do pay her after all, this isn't a pro bono arrangement. But since she's asking me, may as well take advantage...how about if I count to three and you magic the baby into my arms when she's ready to come on out? Truthfully, I'm more concerned about raising a healthy, loving, responsible, well thought of young lady than the birthing process...I'm sure you moms that are reading this are thinking...rude awakening alert just around the bend! And I will not argue which is why my new to do list looks like this:

1) Prepare for marathon in approximately 20 weeks.

2) Draft birthing plan proposal for dimwit doctor. Keep it simple, something along the lines of "I'll be the patient, you deliver the baby."

3) Knit mary jane booties with matching cardi

4) Do NOT panic! You can do this, Oliva Maria is counting on you!

Game Time

Another lovely royalty free image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net this one is courtesy of

Graur Razvan Ionut

Thanks to Rainy Day Goods, I read about a game that is circulating through the cloud where you set your iTunes to shuffle and list the first 15 songs in the order that they come up...no editing! Sounded fun so I'm giving it a spin:

1) Nutrition-The Dead Milkmen

2) Mr. Zebra-Tori Amos (YES!! forgot how much I dig this song!)

3) Honey Child-Royal Crown Review

4) Numbers-GLove and Special Sauce

5) Walk a Mile-Holly Golightly

6) It Overtakes Me-The Flaming Lips

7) Drunk Drivin'-Sublime

8) Octavo Dia-Shakira (What? Don't judge me)

9) Footsteps-Pearl Jam (YES! So love this one too)

10)Well Thought Out Twinkles-Silversun Pickups

11) An Open Letter To NYC-The Beastie Boys

12)Nobody But Me-Save Ferris

13)Los Angeles-Counting Crows

14)Fascination Street-The Cure

15)That's How I knew This Story Would Break My Heart-Aimee Mann

Jumpers

Royalty free photo courtesy of the lovely Christian Southworth who so generously shares his beautiful work at Freedigitalphotos.net

Saw a documentary recently called The Bridge. A raw vivid account of the lives of those who view the Golden Gate Bridge as more than a thing of beauty but rather a way to escape the darkest most debilitating form of depression. A stunning collection of footage and interviews with family members of those who fully realized their desire to end their suffering as well as those who attempted but reconsidered. Also included are interviews with witnesses, pedestrians taking in the view and observing more than they anticipated. Although profoundly sad the end result is an honest perspective on just how crippling undiagnosed depression can be.

Have you heard that Sleater-Kinny song called Jumpers about the Golden Gate Bridge and this subject? I understand the verse that goes "four seconds was the longest wait" now. The time it takes to get from the bridge to the water. I'll never look at the Golden Gate Bridge in quite the same way again.

The Mayo Clinic has a great collection of articles on the topic of depression. Be well friends, let's take good care of each other.

Songs vs Insects

Finished reading Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song At a Time by Rob Sheffield. Thoroughly enjoyed this love story framed by a collection of mixed tapes swapped back and forth. The author is a contributing editor for Rolling Stone which explains the affinity for choice pop songs. Although this biography is ultimately about suffering and loss, there's enough wit and good music tied in to keep you reading through the sadness.

"Nothing connects to the moment like music. I count on the music to bring me back--or more precisely, to bring her forward."

Some people scrapbook moments in time, pin them down on paper like butterflies, others compile mix tapes. I'm so glad that Mr. Sheffield collects and shares songs rather than insects.

Nesting

17 week old bun in the proverbial oven

Preparation, anticipation, excitement, insomnia, and an appetite that would make a lumberjack feel dainty. That's how I'd summarize 17 weeks. That and "nesting."

From what I understand babies have lots of things. Diapers, bassinets, cribs, clothes, blankets, toys, strollers, and even more that I have yet to discover. This hit me only recently (never claimed to be the smartest monkey at the zoo) and after I pointed out to Erik that every inch of "space" in our cozy 2 and 1 is maxed out, we talked for a long time about it and decided with heavy hearts to try selling the love nest, *sniff* *sniff*. I think deep down we are both secretly hoping that we don't get any offers before February (the month we both agree we should take it off the market if we don't get any bites) but on the off chance we do sell, we could potentially get more house for about the same mortgage payment or less. If we stay, we will have to get super duper creative, as in "hey this isn't just a porch! It's an office! Where we can work and I can craft in the great outdoors!" I feel so lucky and thankful to be fortunate enough to have choices like these at a time like this. It's only the beginning but it feels more worthwhile than I ever imagined. And now more than ever I am so appreciative of the loving, caring, friends and family that are apart of my life. I hope I can be half as loving and influential as you all have been to me! Sorry for the sappy downward spiral....but I mean it!

Xoxo

Yes! Pants! Good Thinking!

Nearly Completed Orange Crush Sock

1 of 2 (per the very best of intentions)

Like a loyal friend this sock has been by my side in good times and bad. We celebrated baby news, the Giants World Series win, and then there was also that time when a police officer told me to put some pants on. I don't think I've shared that story yet...I'll try to keep it brief. In September I heard incoherent shouting outside our bedroom window following a gun shot. Hubby pulled me outta bed and ushered me to the other end of the house before calling 911. The police responded right away and before too long an officer was at our door informing us we would need to be evacuated immediately, indefinitely. I'm new to this, thankfully it's not every day that an armed police officer raps on the door and says essentially, move it. now! So I grabbed my purse and said let's go. He took one look at me and politely said in a quiet voice, "um ma'am, you might want to put some pants on." Now remember this story began when I was in bed, I DID have jammies on and I was wearing a robe....but yes...pants was a fantastic suggestion! We were allowed back home at 3 am the next day...and neighbor is undergoing treatment. He apparently thought it a good idea to down an entire bottle of tequila on a sunday night and open fire in a residential neighborhood. All that wrapped up in one sock! Can't wait to see what the 2nd sock will bring!

Mr. Gary and Nightmare Girl

Handsome Mr. Gary

Gazing off in the distance daydreaming of all you can eat seafood buffets.

Thanks to the breezy 20-something who rear ended me at a red light and giggled through her apology. You are the inspiration for my song of the day selection: Nightmare Girl by Aimee Mann off of her Lost in Space special edition album.